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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
M00SE ILLUMINATI
Issue #3 | Disclaimer: The Editor will place almost anything | July 6, 1988
---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
the issue, so don't blame him for the quality or content of the submissions.
Excepting those he may have written himself, the enclosed items do not in any
way represent the Editor's opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that
as far as this newsletter is concerned, he has no opinions at all. Okay? Good.
===============================================================================
----------------------
EDITORIALS AND LETTERS
----------------------
Yet another editorial by Pickle.
Well, fellow m00ses, it seems to have been decided. We are going
to use CSNEWS for banter and discussion, but M00se Droppings will be
distributed by m00ses, starting with me and branching out in a path that
Kamikaze is working on. He is arranging things (so I hear) so that nobody
will have to send more than 5-10 pieces of mail.
In the meantime, those of you who haven't subscribed to CSBB M00se
Discussion on CSNEWS do so! I sent the command a few days ago, if you forgot
it let me know and I'll tell you again.
Some of you may have noticed that this newsletter is late. As I
said, this is because GuS, my computer, is sick. Now that I'm back in a
VAX lab, I'm all set, except GuS is still sick. Hopefully it'll be all
better soon.
And now, since I haven't much to say, on with the newsletter.
---------------
EVENTS AND NEWS
---------------
Wolverine and Kamikaze hosted a few other chapters in the world's
first Fourth of July Thr0ng-a-Thon. Here is their report.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On July 1, Starfire, Hobgoblin, and Scamp arrived in the Philadelphia area
to meet with Wolverine and Kamikaze for the first-ever "Fourth of July
Thr0ng-A-Th0n". This is their story.
Kamikaze> Friday....why does everything always happen on Friday? First, I
get to go to work from 8am til noon (meaning I have to get up at 6am),
then ride to my physical therapy (for my bum shoulder) (that's an 11
mile ride), then get back home and *try* to get cleaned up before the
expected 4pm-5pm invasion. Well, I got showered, dressed, then
realized my shirt needed ironing *sigh*, then my mother tells me to
do some vacuuming, so I do that while the shirt cools, and just as I
put the vacuum away, I see a familiar car go driving right past my
house and on up the hill. So I rush to put my shirt on and stand at
the door, waiting to see how long it would take for them to realize
they missed something. Mere moments later, they arrived...I called
Wolvie, told him they were there (all right, so he had to beat it out
of me...I do like to be difficult with him sometimes ;-)
Wolverine> After I got done work, my room-mate and I headed to Kamikaze's
house where I was raped by his dog (as usual). You have to under-
stand that Kami's dog loves sticking her nose into my private areas,
and while I love animals, I don't LOVE animals, if you get my
meaning. [don't you believe it...he really likes it, otherwise he
wouldn't keep coming back for more, right?....Kami] We then had
dinner curtesy of Kami's mom, and departed to see Roger Rabbit! A
magnificent movie! Some kids were throwing popcorn up in the air,
so I joined 'em. *devious grin* I got to rumage through Stacey's
purse until the movie started. She had some of the wierdest things
in there, including one VERY old jellybean.
Kamikaze> Well, the movie was great, but *I* really enjoyed the first feature
that they showed prior to WFRR. Let's all reach deep down and give
from the heart to the Will Roger's Institute....sorry folks, I like
charity events and whatnot, but not when I've already been milked
$5.00 to see a movie...I want to see the movie, not a bunch of out-of-
work stars doing a charity bit....
Wolverine> We then headed back to my apartment, where we watched movies until
late in the night. Kamikaze and Scamp then left for his house,
where Scamp was going to be staying in a guest room. (Starfire and
Hobgbolin had to settle for my floor.) Those of us staying at my
apartment stayed up until 3 am or so. Oh, and the superintendant
came down and complained that Starfire was laughing too loudly. At
3 a.m. I went to bed, leaving Star and Hob to stay up until 4 a.m.
talking.
Kamikaze> Humph...and they complained about being tired....Scamp went right to
bed (and I assume right to sleep, I didn't look)...I got lucky enough
to be hit with insomnia that night, so I didn't bother to sleep at
all...and was actually more awake than anyone else the next day.
Wolverine> Saturday morning we all woke up, watched "The Real Ghostbusters" on
TV and ate home-made eggrolls until it was time to depart to the
Philadelphia Zoo. I actually made money from the deal. (It was a
3.50 entry charge, handed the cashier a 10, and got 11.50 back in
change 8*) Then i started howling at the wolves, who were already
howling. Wandered the Zoo for several hours, and then got lost
coming home thanks to some lousy detours.
Kamikaze> Now wait a minute....we did not get lost, just took a brief,
unscheduled local tour. I knew where I was the whole time, as
evidence by the fact that we did not have to turn around at any time.
Anyway, the Zoo was more or less well enjoyed, most down time being
from tired and hot folks...the Large Cats house and white tiger
seemed to be one of the overall favorites, along with the primate
house.
Wolverine> That night we played D&D, and I actually had a woman sleep in my
bed! At last!
Kamikaze> Now before you all think he got lucky or that one of the girls was
blind drunk (just kidding Wolvie...put those claws away)...Hob was
one of the more exhausted members of the weekend, and we all told
to do herself a favor and stop falling asleep in the chair and go
crash in the bedroom, and Wolvie offered his bed to her. Sorry big
guy, but nice try anyway ;-)
Wolverine> Okay! So her and I are only friends and I slept in the other room!
Details, Details! Anyway, we all crashed rather late that night,
and subsequently slept late Sunday morning. (Actually, Hob had
been up earlier than any of us.) We then sat around, watched
_The_Untouchables_, until it was time for The Gals From Up North
to depart. (And then my room-mate and I spent several days cleaning
up.)
Kamikaze> Hey, don't look at me like that...I helped with some of the cleanup
to...but after all, I spent the whole weekend chauffering everyone
around, because there wasn't any comfortable way to fit the six of
us into Scamp's car...my mother was a bit worried when she found out
that over 175 miles got put on her car over the weekend, and we never
left town...
Wolverine> So all in all, it was an enjoyable experience, and we are looking
forward to the next Thr0ng-A-Th0n, wherever and whenever it may be.
Bl00p forever!
Wolverine & Kamikaze
------------------
FICTION AND POETRY
------------------
>>Fiction from Wolverine<<
"I'm a M00se," he thought. "I know it...they don't. That's not the
problem. I like it that way. The problem is keeping them from knowing it."
He thought this while walking the wrong way down a busy sidewalk, constantly
jostling people due to the fact that he was going in the opposite direction
of everyone else. They were annoyed; he didn't mind. He liked it like that.
"Fucking plebs," he thought. "Get a life."
Pushing his cart through the Acme, he looked around at the people
surrounding him. "More plebs," he thought disgustedly as he tossed a package
of Devil Dogs into his cart. Walking down the next aisle, he grabbed a
jar of peanut butter and tossed it into the cart. The jar hit the package
of Devil Dogs and crushed it. "I gotta get away from these plebs," he
thought. They're makin' me sick. Look at 'em! Brainless cattle trodding
through the dulldrum of their common, everyday lives. Suckers."
Waiting in the check-out line, he saw a little kid in the next line
throwing a temper tantrum as his mother tried get hom out of a cart. Kicking
and screaming, he flailed out and knocked over a display of Tupperware as she
lifted him out of the cart. "That's it kid," he thought. "Fight 'em. It's
the only way." He was brought out of the reverie of his thoughts by the
teenage girl at his cash register.
"Hey mista'! Yer Devil Dawgs're crushed! Ya' want another box?" she
asked, cracking the huge wad of gum in her mouth.
"No," he replied. "I like it that way."
Walking back to his apartment, he saw a car accident on 49th Avenue.
A car making a left turn from Sussex Avenue onto 49th slammed into a
'79 Caddy. A little guy in polyester suit got out of the Caddy and started
shouting at the guy who hit him. The other guy was a little guy in a
polyester suit too. "Both of them'll probably call 'Lawyers-R-Us tonight,"
he thought. "What a joke."
Getting home, he dumped his Acme bag on the kitchen table and plopped
down in his easy chair. Grabbing the remote control, he started flipping
through TV channels until he came across The Oprah Winfrey Show. Orca's
special guest today was Morton Downey Jr. They were supposed to have
a slug-fest, with the winner getting the chance to punch Johnny Carson in
the face. "This oughta' be interesting," he thought. He had already placed
a fifty dollar bet on Morton earlier that day with his bookie. "Let's just
hope this one last longer than the Tyson-Spinx fiasco," he had told his
bookie. "I had to go to the john and wound up missing the entire fight."
After the opening credits rolled, Oprah stepped into the ring area that had
been specially set up for the event. In another minute, Morton stepped into
the ring, brandishing a 2-by-4 with a mouth painted on one end. He swung
it at Oprah`s head, but it bounced harmlessly off of Oprah's hair, which
had been styled earlier by Don King himself. "This should be really
interesting," he thought, reaching for the crushed box of Devil Dogs.
co. Frank Orzechowicz June 30, 1988
(P.S. Blame it on last night's full moon.)
----------------------
MISCELLANEOUS NONSENSE
----------------------
(Here is a shamelessly pirated Monty Python excerpt sent by Beez and altered
by your friendly editor.)
Subject: Rocky vs. Rambo on Friday the 13th at Elm Street IV:This
time its personal
Good evening. Here is the news for m00ses. No m00ses were involved
in an accident on the M1 today when a lorry carrying high octane
fuel was in collision with a bollard...that is a bollard and not a
m00se. A spokesman for m00ses said he was glad that no m00ses
were involved. The Minister of Technology today met the three
Russian leaders to discuss a $4 million airliner deal. None of
them went in the woods or practiced passive resistance against
hunters with large guns by staring at them with big, soulful eyes.
And now for part three of `A tale of Two Cities', adapted for m00ses
by Joey Boy.
===============================================================================
And last but not least, an update on the list of m00ses on Bitnet. Please
inform me if anything is incorrect!
Bryn Mawr chapter M_PETTIT @ BRYNMAWR Midland Maniac
Boston University chapter CLXLAUC @ BUACCA Rorshach
Cornell chapter CBRY @ CORNELLA Ladykate
Lansing, NY chapter B45J @ CRNLVAX5 Half-Elf
Connecticut State U thr0ng CEBELENS_CHR @ CTSTATEU The Red Mage
CLAFFEY_JOR @ CTSTATEU Indiana Joe
WITHALL @ CTSTATEU Hobgoblin
Hartford thr0ng DICKSON @ HARTFORD Pickle/MOON ROACH!
SZIMMERM @ HARTFORD Greymalkin
Haverford thr0ng K_KRAVITZ @ HVRFORD Q.
S_BLINN @ HVRFORD Sean Blinn
Loyola thr0ng STASA @ LOYVAX Phoenix
PAMELA @ LOYVAX Mommydammit
SETH @ LOYVAX Seth
Maine thr0ng BURNS @ MAINE Sabre
IO80222 @ MAINE RainMaker
RFK350B @ MAINE Guardian Angel
Michigan Tech chapter WJB @ MTUS5 Sindex
Penn State chapter WCF @ PSUECL Bill Fenner
Stony Brook thr0ng CHOBBIE @ SBCCVM Admiral Lord Nelson
RRKHAN @ SBCCVM Romel
WALL @ SBCCVM Wall
Sweden chapter ICE @ SEQZ51 Ice
Siberacuse thr0ng EBLIVING @ SUNRISE Eric Livingstone (sp?)
JBANKERT @ SUNRISE CHAOS Engineer
RABEELER @ SUNRISE Beez
RETANTS @ SUNRISE Scamp
LIBLJR @ SUVM Niniane
Towson State U. chapter S76NING @ TOWSONVX Paul
Trinity thr0ng FANTASYG @ TRINCC Trinity Fantasy Guild
OPER3 @ TRINCC Razz
Governor's School chapter GSRHAMBY @ UTKVX3 Cocker
Villanova thr0ng 188622462 @ VUVAXCOM Kamikaze
193588131 @ VUVAXCOM Wolverine
Wesleyan thr0ng JBLUESTEIN @ WESLEYAN WabeWalker
JVINCENT @ WESLEYAN Lord Rassilon
RSIMON @ WESLEYAN Roanic
Washington State U. thr0ng 24945863 @ WSUVM1 Bard
23480853 @ WSUVM1 Ishtar
Xavier chapter BRUGGMNJ @ XAVIER John
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