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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
M00SE ILLUMINATI
Issue #5 | Disclaimer: The Editor will place almost anything | July 22, 1988
---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
the issue, so don't blame him for the quality or content of the submissions.
Excepting those he may have written himself, the enclosed items do not in any
way represent the Editor's opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that
as far as this newsletter is concerned, he has no opinions at all. Okay? Good.
===============================================================================
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************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ***************************
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi all! Here is Issue #5. You'll notice that it is being sent on a
Friday, as the first couple issues were. With any luck, I'll be able to
send them every Friday.
Thanks to the efforts of Kamikaze, we are now using the New Improved
Distribution Method. It should be nice and easy to use, but if there are
any problems let us know ASAP! We don't want to lose anybody.
And now, on with the issue.....
NOT GETTING ENOUGH MAIL?
========================
This is a plea to all m00ses on behalf of myself and two fellow
m00ses (Nathan Irwin and Dragon) to subscribe to sf_story csnotice,
the same way you subscribed to m00se csnotice. Please, the
offer is free, the m00ses needy, and all you have to do is
call now...offer not available on all computer systems.
Sabre
NOT GETTING *ANY* MAIL?
=======================
As a postscript to my last letter, here are a few other csnotices I
feel m00ses will like....
m00se--already told you about that one.
sf_story--see last letter.
st_story--A startrek story I'm writing. Not very m00selike,
but bl00p it all, I'm going to toot my own horn!
Jqp_story--A story fellow m00se Rainmaker is writing.
startrek--for all you trek-types, this one's all about anything and
everything having to do with trek.
sex--a fun csnotice if ever I've read one.
latenite--Late Night with David Lettermen. Need I say more? I
for one think we should make Dave a m00se anyway, you know?
humor--self-explainatory
And others...god there are others. So, get off your m00sing
A**es and subscribe. That command sequence again....
tell (or whatever) csnews@maine csbb subscribe csnotice
In a future letter, I'll tell you how to request back volumes.
Ok? OK!
Sabre
FOR THOSE WHO REMEMBER SATURDAY MORNINGS...
===========================================
M00SE.
a verb.
sounds like the subject of a schoolhouse rock to me...
heheh
mommydammit
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******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS *******************************
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INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S VACATIONS?
=======================================
On July 8th, 1988, the Pickle chapter of the M00se Illuminati packed up and
headed for Baltimore, MD for a thr0ng-a-thon and concert. This is his story.
JULY 8, 1988 (Approximately 3:30 P.M.): Car packed. Food and tapes on
passenger seat. Full tank (30-35 gallons) of premium gasoline. Mad River
Explorer on roof racks. An estimated 4700 lbs. of car, driver, supplies, and
canoe hit the road. Itinerary: bank, Triple-A, Highway 84w.
(App. 4:00 P.M.): Bank accounts now empty. $105 in pocket. On way to AAA,
1-liter bottle of Coca-Cola Classic assaults car and driver. Theory:
poltergeist in bottle. Go to AAA, get card. Coke is corrosive; as it would
not do to leave it on the car, head for nearest car wash.
(App. 4:30 P.M.): While entering gas station to pay for car wash, realize that
there is Mad River Explorer on roof racks. Curse, head for nearest non-
automatic car wash in South Windsor.
(App. 5:30 P.M.): Car Washed, Dairy Queen cherry Misty Freeze in stomach, on
84w. Just before passing Farmington exit, realize that there are no clothes
suitable for concert in duffel bag. Snarl a lot, take Farmington exit home.
(App. 6:00 P.M.): Finally hit road with pants, shirt, mismatched but dark
socks, shoes, borrowed tie. Determined to call Stasa at approximately 10:00
P.M. to tell her I'll be 2 hours late.
(App. 11:00 P.M.): Realizing have forgotten to call Stasa. About to seek
phone when sign leaps out of bushes and states "Baltimore 58 miles." Realize
in amazement that the trip is two hours shorter than expected.
(12:02 P.M.): Arrive at Stasa's home and habitation, 2 minutes late. Present
flowers and Asti and apologize. Ponder the realization that the Supertanker
quaffed down at least two quarts of oil on the trip.
(The time periods between events will now increase.)
(Saturday, July 9, 1988): Wake up. Accompany Stasa to pool. Meet her fellow
lifeguards. Add weight to theory that one of the requirements of being a
lifeguard is a stunning appearance in bathing suit. Avoid looking too
stunned, read book. Several hours later, impressive electrical storm puts on
spectacular audiovisual display. Back to Stasa's house, change, meet Q. and
friend with fast car, head out to meet Grup thr0ng. See _Who_Framed_Roger_
Rabbit_. Meet straggling Grup chapters, head for dinner. In attendance:
Stasa, Q., Q.'s friend (Steve?), Sybil, Fast Eddie, Markus, Mommy Dammit, Mary
Beth, Paul?, Mike, Damion (sp?), Damion's support group, myself. In no
particular order. Sorry if I missed someone. Fries, beverages, joke,
homeward. Mary Beth actually was ill and missed dinner, but at least we
got to see her. Home, sleep.
(Sunday, July 10, 1988): Pool again, many of those listed above in attendance
for pool party. Stasa proves that she is paid too little. Many scorched
m00ses. Sunglasses wars. Home and sleep.
(Monday, July 11, 1988): Wake up, discover everybody was right and shoulders
were, in fact, burned. Take painful shower. Outdoor temp once again 100+.
Stasa leads the way to the Gunpowder river. Very pretty, much cooler, and
infested with some kind of biting fly. Back home, collect Mary Beth, go to
Harbor Place, or Inner Harbor, or whatever its real name is. Comic shop fails
me second time in a row, does not have a single thing I'm looking for.
(Doesn't carry Warlock 5?! "Not much call for it 'round here", they say.)
Buy delicious fudge. Take Mary Beth home, go back to Stasa's, sleep.
(Tuesday, July 12, 1988): Observe spectacular storm at 2:00 am. Go with
Stasa to Loyola, receive as gift from Mike an account of my own. Back
to Stasa's for a while, then back to Loyola, get wiped out by Mike in
Conquest. Back to Stasa's again, leave with Mr. Appel to concert. German
and Austrian dancing and music. Inside for the concert. Piano concerto,
intermission, Ninth Symphony. First movement lacking, but second incredible.
Third and fourth very good. Howard Johnson's for dinner and snack.
Discovery: HoJo's is not a rathole everywhere. This one is more like
Denny's. Back once more, and sleep.
(Wednesday, July 13, 1988): Awake, farewell to all. Drive to Harbor Place,
shop and eat a little more. Hit the road home.
NOTE: New Jersey bashing ahead.
All was going well when a sign announced "This way to 95 north/NJ Turnpike".
Figuring, since I was already on it, that there was construction ahead
on the turnpike, I took the exit. And ended up on Route 1 North, with
a traffic light every half mile or so, for an hour. In heavy traffic.
Can't use air conditioner in stop-and-go. Suddenly realize what those
sneaky bastards had done! (Later confirmed by parents, this detour has
been there for years.) On either side of the road are thriving roadside
businesses, all of which would probably go out of business if people could
take 95 around them! If thoughts could drop bombs, New Jersey would be
a smoking wasteland right now, rather than just a wasteland. As if that
weren't enough, they charge $3 to leave NJ via the big suspension bridge.
I forget what it's called. They don't charge you to enter NJ!
Rest of trip without incident. Oh, except for one item of note... on
the NY-CT line is Danbury, CT. In it is the Danbury Federal Correctional
Institution. On the way past it going into CT is a sign:
FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION
DO NOT PICK UP HITCHHIKERS
This sign does not exist on the other side of the road, as you travel
toward NY. Does this mean it's been stolen by a convict/hitchhiker, or
that CT doesn't care if escapees head for NY?
Well, that's my report. Not the best piece of writing I've done, but
hey! It's the summer!
Pickle.
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***************************** FICTION AND POETRY ******************************
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once again, there is no fiction and poetry this week. Send me some and
I'll publish it. Please.
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*************************** MISCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ****************************
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SOMETHING FIENDISHLY M00SY TO DO...
===================================
Ahoy there! How's life going? What, you have a lot of time on your hands?
Well here's something that will both occupy your time and make the world a
stranger place to live in...
You see, I have this roommate who badly needs to have something odd happen
to him, only he doesn't know it. And what better place to go to get something
odd done than here? So what I'm asking is that, if you've got the mind,
sit down and write a postcard. Don't put your name on it, don't put a return
address, and for god's sake *SEND NO CASH*. Leave the message part blank,
put something weird in it (and I know you can...), or maybe some argument
for/against the existance of something, or a math puzzle or just random
words, it doesn't really matter...so long as he's baffled, bewildered, and
bemused...(no threats would be best, I'm not out to give him sleepless
nights...)
And, if you really care, let me know and I'll give you the bleedin' fifty
cents or so it costs. And if you know somebody in a remote area who might
want to drop this fellow a line (really, he's a big cheese weenie), that
would be great (I'm trying for the largest geographical spread here).
So anyway if you're still with me, here's the address:
Eduardo Looney (no, not his name but it's pretty close)
3465 Edinburgh #7
Riverside, CA 92507
by the way I'm sending this both to the literary underground and weird-l.
Sorry if you're seeing it twice. And if you think it's a gross waste
of net resources to do this, well I'm sending this on a weekend, see? And
if you think it's the greatest idea since...well I'm sure you can think
of something, the tell a friend! or a fiend!
Thank you for your consideration...
Kevin "you're not getting my last name" Lund
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*************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE **************
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alaska thr0ng JSJPC1 @ ALASKA Jonathan
JSMDG @ ALASKA Martin
Bryn Mawr chapter M_PETTIT @ BRYNMAWR Midland Maniac
Boston University chapter CLXLAUC @ BUACCA Rorshach
Cornell chapter CBRY @ CORNELLA Ladykate
Lansing, NY chapter B45J @ CRNLVAX5 Half-Elf
Connecticut State U thr0ng CEBELENS_CHR @ CTSTATEU The Red Mage
CLAFFEY_JOR @ CTSTATEU Indiana Joe
PHINNEY_AVK @ CTSTATEU Phredde
WITHALL @ CTSTATEU Hobgoblin
Hartford thr0ng DICKSON @ HARTFORD Pickle/MOON ROACH!
SZIMMERM @ HARTFORD Greymalkin
Haverford thr0ng K_KRAVITZ @ HVRFORD Q.
S_BLINN @ HVRFORD Sean Blinn
Loyola thr0ng MARY_BETH @ LOYVAX Mary Beth
PAMELA @ LOYVAX Mommydammit
SETH @ LOYVAX Seth
STASA @ LOYVAX Phoenix
Maine thr0ng BURNS @ MAINE Sabre
IO80034 @ MAINE The Dragon
IO80222 @ MAINE RainMaker
RFK350B @ MAINE Guardian Angel
Michigan Tech chapter WJB @ MTUS5 Sindex
North Dakota State U. chapter UD140680 @ NDSUVM1 Nathan Irwin
Penn State chapter WCF @ PSUECL Bill Fenner
Stony Brook thr0ng CHOBBIE @ SBCCVM Admiral Lord Nelson
RRKHAN @ SBCCVM Romel
WALL @ SBCCVM Wall
Sweden chapter ICE @ SEQZ51 Ice
Siberacuse thr0ng EBLIVING @ SUNRISE Eric Livingstone (sp?)
JBANKERT @ SUNRISE CHAOS Engineer
RABEELER @ SUNRISE Beez
RETANTS @ SUNRISE Scamp
LIBLJR @ SUVM Niniane
Towson State U. chapter S76NING @ TOWSONVX Paul
Trinity thr0ng FANTASYG @ TRINCC Trinity Fantasy Guild
OPER3 @ TRINCC Razz
U California Riverside chapter WATKINS @ UCRVMS Kevin
U of New Hampshire chapter J_BUTMAN @ UNHH Oliver
Governor's School chapter GSRHAMBY @ UTKVX3 Cocker
Villanova thr0ng 054649739 @ VUVAXCOM Satoru Ushiyama
188622462 @ VUVAXCOM Kamikaze
193588131 @ VUVAXCOM Wolverine
580074787 @ VUVAXCOM Colin O'Connell
CONS040 @ VUVAXCOM The Doctor
Wesleyan thr0ng AGOLDBERG @ WESLEYAN Damsel
EAUBRY @ WESLEYAN ED
JBLUESTEIN @ WESLEYAN WabeWalker
JVINCENT @ WESLEYAN Lord Rassilon
JDOTY @ WESLEYAN The Keeper
RSIMON @ WESLEYAN Roanic
Washington State U. thr0ng 24945863 @ WSUVM1 Bard
23480853 @ WSUVM1 Ishtar
Xavier chapter BRUGGMNJ @ XAVIER the WILD ONE!!
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